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Nick Sparks is one New York Citys top personal development and dating advice coaches, specializing in teaching guys how to pick up women. [link widoczny dla zalogowanych] He can be found at
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The Pick Up Artist Fact Or Fiction?
Submitted : 2010-04-20 11:40:29Word Count : 809Popularity: 26Tags: pick up artist, pickup artist
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One sort of guy who ?works at? getting better with women and tries to attract women is the aspiring pick up artist.
The most telling thing about pickup artists (aka PUAs) is that most guys who get women, who get labeled as them eventually wish they weren?t. And most of [link widoczny dla zalogowanych] the real pickup artists out there are guys you?ve never heard of, with no products to sell, no nine step system, and no notoriety except amongst a few of their buddies and the legions of women they?ve slept with.
I?m friends with a lot of guys on facebook who add PUA to their name? silly things like Icedragon PUA or [link widoczny dla zalogowanych] Adam PUA. No disrespect, but that sort of thing really smacks of an identity that is flapping around in the wind.
Hmm, let me explain.
We all have a notion of who we are ? this is called our ?identity?. Our behaviors are tied to this identity. So if you?ve been told that you?re a ?nice guy? your whole life, and that?s what you believe about yourself, then you?ll probably be, well, nice. You?ll do [link widoczny dla zalogowanych] nice things for people, go out of your way to help people, and you?ll probably be very considerate of others.
Nothing wrong with any of that.
But if being a nice guy prevents you from doing things that, in your conception of a ?nice guy?, aren?t very nice, then you might have a hard time doing some of the stuff that women find insanely attractive and you will find it hard to get women. It just doesn?t ?feel right.?
Follow me?
This isn?t to harp on nice guys. A kid who grows up on the streets and is told that he?s a ?thug? his whole life is probably going to have to make some adjustments if he manages to escape the hood and join, say, the business community. His identity is going to drive a set of behaviors [link widoczny dla zalogowanych] that are defensive, walled off? all the stuff he needed to survive in the streets.
Another example is the kid who grows up in an upper middle class household, gets everything handed to him on a silver plate, and never learns to hustle. He skates through college, then gets out into the real world and lands a sales job. If he still holds onto the notion that he?s above hustling ? a prerequisite for any good sales guy ? he?s going to find his ass out of that job mighty fast.
Point being, when we have a conception of who we are, one [link widoczny dla zalogowanych] that?s been reinforced for anywhere from fifteen to fifty years, it can be tough to break out of the mold. Sometimes it?s easier to adopt a new identity, or alter ego, altogether.
Since The Game and [link widoczny dla zalogowanych] The Pickup Artist came out, many men have decided that being a pickup artist is preferable to being whatever else they may currently be. Often, this is accompanied by the addition of outlandish clothing, silly [link widoczny dla zalogowanych] hats, and certain behaviors and values that somehow permeated the ?pickup community?. Many of these are counter productive, childish, and don?t reflect [link widoczny dla zalogowanych] the reality of the real pickup artists and how they get women, the hustlers and lady killers who have no need for an alternate [link widoczny dla zalogowanych] identity because they?re already slaying it out there.
As I?ve stated before, I have no idea where you?re coming into this book from. Your sense of self could be incredibly strong, or incredibly fragile. What I?d encourage you to think about is this: there are going to be some things that you have to do or say which may be beyond your comfort zone. If [link widoczny dla zalogowanych] you ever find that little voice in your head saying ?I?d never say that? or ?I?d never do that,? you now know where it?s coming from (your identity) and you have to ask yourself if the ?I? in that situation is really looking out for your best interests.
I?ll get into that more in a second. But I want you to understand that the cult of the pickup artist is one that [link widoczny dla zalogowanych] has been created, and reinforced, by [link widoczny dla zalogowanych] insecure guys who weren?t getting women when they decided that they wanted to be called PUAs and hope that now they will get women.
And yes, I recognize the irony of all of this, considering that this is the official book [link widoczny dla zalogowanych] of PUAForums. But don?t get too hung up on a name. We?re here because we want to teach you how to get wome, and whether you become a pickup artist in the truest sense of the [link widoczny dla zalogowanych] word? or a lady killer? or a social man? the goals are the same, trying to attract women. Call it what you like.